I Wanted Her To Be Fine

Gwen Smith Blog, Grief, Sorrow, Trusting God 15 Comments

I wanted to hurl my screaming alarm clock into an abyss. The warmth of my cozy covers and the safety of sleep beckoned my heart to stay, linger and forget what lay ahead of me that day. On that afternoon, I would sing for the funeral of a precious 18 year-old family friend who had died in a tragic car accident.

Her name was Macie.

She was a girl who lived life to enjoy life.

She babysat my kids and would often catch a ride home from church with us. She always had a spring in her step, a hug for a child, a kind word on her lips, and a sweet smile on her face. To know Macie was to love Macie. So, as you can imagine, my heart ached intensely when she died.

The sorrow messed with me.

It was heavy.

Everything about her death seemed wrong. She was so young. So vibrant. So loved.

I yearned to turn back the hands of time and somehow alter the course of Macie’s demise. I wanted her to magically appear at the service and tell us that it was all just a big misunderstanding. That she was fine!

I wanted her to be fine.

I wanted her to be alive.

My angst eventually gave way to peace as I remembered that she was fine – because she was alive in the perfect presence of God. The late Barbara Johnson said, “You never know when your time is going to expire, so remember: as you add years to your life, it is more important to add life to your years.”

Macie only lived on this earth for eighteen short years, but she added life to her years when she surrendered her heart to Jesus Christ a year before her death. I imagine that she now skips along streets of gold, worships God whole-heartedly, and loves on the two babies of mine that are in heaven. She always loved taking care of babies.

The Spirit of God and the confidence of Macie’s salvation consoled me, yet I still had to choose to praise God through my grief.

In the sadness, I had to choose to bless the Lord for His plan. Even though His plan didn’t line up with my expectations. Even though those plans left many hearts heavy with ache. God’s grace enabled me to see rays of light in the dark loss because Macie had professed her faith in Christ and was prepared to meet Him when she breathed her final breath.

Adding life to your years is all about Jesus.

In John 10:10, Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.”

We can all know hope and peace in Christ.

“In Him was life, and that life was the light of men.” (John 1:4) Jesus came to give you a life that’s full in His forgiveness, bound by grace and freedom.

Do you know that kind of forgiveness?

Let’s live today in the fullness of Jesus… in response to His grace and goodness.

Colossians 2:6-7 says, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” 

Let’s determine to live each day filled with purpose, praise and thankfulness as we worship God and point others to Him in love.

It was a sad day when we said goodbye to Macie. After leaving the graveside, I went home, hugged on my children and loved on my husband a bit more than normal. Her death reminded me just how precious life is and how important it is to add life to my years.

It’s important for you too.

Live in the moment. Love your people well. God has a plan for your now.

Dear Lord,
Thank You for offering eternal life through the perfect and complete sacrifice of Jesus. Thank you for replacing my human hopelessness with your divine hope. Please help me look past the distractions and disappointments of this world and to live each day to the fullest in You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.


As we are not guaranteed tomorrow, I would like to direct you to add life to your years today…

Is there someone whom you have offended, won’t forgive, are holding a grudge against or owe an apology to?  Contact them today and attempt to make peace before the sun goes down.

Hug your loved ones. Say, “I love you.” Focus on what really matters.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)  Reach out to someone that is hurting. Pray for her.

Post a prayer of response or share your thoughts on the wall of my blog.

Read John 1.

Graceology is hosted by Christian author, speaker and worship leader, Gwen Smith who shares fun, faith-focused, grace-filled interview-style conversations. Prepare to be inspired with practical tips and honest discussions that will help you to know and trust God more. Each episode will encourage your heart in meaningful ways to live out and lean on the grace of Jesus in the midst of cluttered, messy days. Click here to LISTEN NOW!

Thanks for doing life with me! 🌸 Make today amazing!


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Comments 15

  1. Thank you for sharing this story with us. I have been helping facilitate a grief share class the past 6-7 years and it has opened my eyes to appreciate every moment and everyone in our lives. Life is too short to hold a grudge or not forgive or make amends. I have learned that is one day we cannot change 1/10 of a second. Blessings to you and your team for sharing your stories and helping others.

  2. Thank you so much wonderful lesson of God’s words. My Aunt Darlene died today. I am sad but also reminded that in heaven with God and her family which included my dad. Thank you so much. God bless Suzette Mathes

  3. God bless you for that story about Macie. It really touched my heart. Your right life is so precious. It is so important to serve the Lord. We never know when our Father will say time for us is up. But, while we are here we must live life to the fullest, Laugh a lot, Love always. There is no restrictions on those things. I pray that God will comfort the heart of the family and friends of this young woman. I can only say God knows best and He is so perfect He can never make a mistake. God bless you woman of God. Keep encouraging others!
    Georgia B.

  4. Praying for the Lord to comfort the comfortless, and that the holy spirit will take up residence in our marriages, children, and our land. In Jesus name

  5. I feel this article was written for me today. My daughter died two years ago, she was placed on life support this very week and never woke up (she needed a heart transplant). She too loved kids and volunteered at the nursing home for the last 12 years. Such a sweetheart to everyone she met. I wanted her to wake up, be alive again, it still feels like a dream. After she died, I found a small medal in her Bible that was given to her when she accepted Christ as her Savior. About 10 days after she passed, I was taking pictures of the fog one morning and a cross appeared in the sky in one of the photos. I knew then she had made it to Heaven. That sign, and others since, keep me going knowing I will see her and other loved ones again. Thank you for writing this today.

  6. “Focus on what really matters.” I will have to remind myself that every day. It puts my disappointments in perspective. Also my whining and complaining, my hurt and bitterness, too.

  7. Oh How I know that feeling. I lost my son 9 years ago this July. He was 21 years old and struggling with his faith when he was killed while he was walking by an 18 year old who fell asleep at the wheel. Two weeks before my son’s death he told me about his struggle believing in God even though he was raised in church. I told him how much I love him and how God loves him even more.
    I am choosing to believe that God reached hi before he died and he too is singing praises to the Lord.
    Thank you for sharing this, 9 years ago I probably would not have been so grateful.

  8. Oh Gwen, that is such hard stuff. Sitting here with tears filling my eyes thinking about your friend. Yes it is sooooo very hard to live through this stuff. Without Jesus how could we without being damaged forever. I just just loved the quote from Barbara Johnson. I posted it on my Facebook page. Oh if I could only hold on to these words forever and ever, whenever I needed them. I am sorry for your loss, but so thankful Macie is where she is. Our turn will come in its time.

  9. I forgive my birth dad for rejecting me. Although we met and although he was a part of my families life for a couple of years; he pulled away. Its been two years since he spoke to me. He is dying of cancer from what I know. I left him a message saying I forgive him for retreating and disconnecting. I have given this all to Christ to carry.

  10. Thank you for the reminder that we live our lives to the full when we in trust God and in his perfect plan for our lives. Living well is LIVING in HIM.

  11. Thank you for reminding me we have no guarantee of tomorrow on this earth and this is not our home. We need to be about God’s work telling others about the Love of Jesus! In this world, He is all that matters. Lord thank you for your promise of eternal life with you. In Your Precious Name!!✝️

  12. I have a son,Benjamin, that’s far away from God.I don’t know where he is but I know he’s homeless by choice and using drugs.Can you pray for him please.My heart is heavy and hurt for him.

  13. I lost my daughter to breast cancer 3 and a half years ago! All I wanted was for her to be fine! Your message today was spot on! I’m still struggling with the why and what could God possibly have for me going forward! She was only 37 years old with 4 beautiful kids that are the only reason I get up in the morning! I’m trying very hard still to not be angry at him! I will continue to pray for his guidance and strength!

  14. Recently God has been convicting me to reach out to my ex husband and apologize and ask his forgiveness for anything I said or did that hurt him. To thank him for the many wonderful things he did for me in the 33 years we were together. As hard as it was I did and the weight of up forgiveness lifted me up and was replaced by a peace that can only come from God. Thank you for this message. It reaffirms the peace and forgiveness I feel comes from God.

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