I Wanted Her To Be Fine

Gwen Smith Blog, Grief, Sorrow, Trusting God 36 Comments

I wanted to hurl my screaming alarm clock into an abyss. The warmth of my cozy covers and the safety of sleep beckoned my heart to stay, linger and forget what lay ahead of me that day. On that afternoon, I would sing for the funeral of a precious 18 year-old family friend who had died in a tragic car accident.

Her name was Macie.

She was a girl who lived life to enjoy life.

She babysat my kids and would often catch a ride home from church with us. She always had a spring in her step, a hug for a child, a kind word on her lips, and a sweet smile on her face. To know Macie was to love Macie. So, as you can imagine, my heart ached intensely when she died.

The sorrow messed with me.

It was heavy.

Everything about her death seemed wrong. She was so young. So vibrant. So loved.

I yearned to turn back the hands of time and somehow alter the course of Macie’s demise. I wanted her to magically appear at the service and tell us that it was all just a big misunderstanding. That she was fine!

I wanted her to be fine.

I wanted her to be alive.

My angst eventually gave way to peace as I remembered that she was fine – because she was alive in the perfect presence of God. The late Barbara Johnson said, “You never know when your time is going to expire, so remember: as you add years to your life, it is more important to add life to your years.”

Macie only lived on this earth for eighteen short years, but she added life to her years when she surrendered her heart to Jesus Christ a year before her death. I imagine that she now skips along streets of gold, worships God whole-heartedly, and loves on the two babies of mine that are in heaven. She always loved taking care of babies.

The Spirit of God and the confidence of Macie’s salvation consoled me, yet I still had to choose to praise God through my grief.

In the sadness, I had to choose to bless the Lord for His plan. Even though His plan didn’t line up with my expectations. Even though those plans left many hearts heavy with ache. God’s grace enabled me to see rays of light in the dark loss because Macie had professed her faith in Christ and was prepared to meet Him when she breathed her final breath.

Adding life to your years is all about Jesus.

In John 10:10, Jesus said, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.”

We can all know hope and peace in Christ.

“In Him was life, and that life was the light of men.” (John 1:4) Jesus came to give you a life that’s full in His forgiveness, bound by grace and freedom.

Do you know that kind of forgiveness?

Let’s live today in the fullness of Jesus… in response to His grace and goodness.

Colossians 2:6-7 says, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” 

Let’s determine to live each day filled with purpose, praise and thankfulness as we worship God and point others to Him in love.

It was a sad day when we said goodbye to Macie. After leaving the graveside, I went home, hugged on my children and loved on my husband a bit more than normal. Her death reminded me just how precious life is and how important it is to add life to my years.

It’s important for you too.

Live in the moment. Love your people well. God has a plan for your now.

Dear Lord,
Thank You for offering eternal life through the perfect and complete sacrifice of Jesus. Thank you for replacing my human hopelessness with your divine hope. Please help me look past the distractions and disappointments of this world and to live each day to the fullest in You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.


As we are not guaranteed tomorrow, I would like to direct you to add life to your years today…

Is there someone whom you have offended, won’t forgive, are holding a grudge against or owe an apology to?  Contact them today and attempt to make peace before the sun goes down.

Hug your loved ones. Say, “I love you.” Focus on what really matters.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15)  Reach out to someone that is hurting. Pray for her.

Post a prayer of response or share your thoughts on the wall of my blog.

Read John 1.

Graceology is hosted by Christian author, speaker and worship leader, Gwen Smith who shares fun, faith-focused, grace-filled interview-style conversations. Prepare to be inspired with practical tips and honest discussions that will help you to know and trust God more. Each episode will encourage your heart in meaningful ways to live out and lean on the grace of Jesus in the midst of cluttered, messy days. Click here to LISTEN NOW!

Thanks for doing life with me! 🌸 Make today amazing!


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Comments 36

  1. Where do I go to find your spiritual jewelry?
    My husband is in the hospice and I were mine continuously and most of the staff is asking how they can order a bracelet.

    Please pray for God’s merciful grace at this time. He fell 8 weeks ago and sustained a double subarachnoid hemorrhage.

    God Bless you.

  2. My youngest son, age 34 yr is still living at home. He was diagnosed with Schizophrenia / Effective Disorder. (Schiz/Bipolar) at age 17 yr. Some days are ok & some are not. Please pray for him to keep wanting Jesus is his life & to be positive & to never give up. We are both lonely with the life we were given & really need positive & good friends. Thank you for your prayers.

  3. I want my sister to be fine, too. She is fighting for her life in the hospital, as we speak. She was diagnosed with colon cancer in August 2017. Part of her colon had to be removed. The colon did not heal correctly and seeped into her body, so in February 2018 she was fighting sepsis on top of the cancer. She really hasn’t recovered from the sepsis and has been in the hospital twice in the past five days for other infection. She loves Jesus. She loves her boys and her husband. She has three of the four boys at home still. I know that Jesus “healed” her on the cross. BUT…I still want her to be fine and stay with us longer. She is my sister and my best friend. I want her to be fine. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  4. Good morning, i havent’t able to sleep.. My oldest son who has special needs also. I have been restless. My body is reacting to not sleeping. We really need God’s divine healing…a peace of mind.

  5. I understand your feelings of anger and hurt. My sister died of cervical cancer. We had great news in December 2015 that she was cancer free. By April 2016 it was back and she died in August 2016. I was so confused because I had complete faith that God was going to take care of her. It took me a while to understand that He did. Sherri won! If God had chosen to heal her on earth she won or if He healed her in heaven she really won! It doesn’t mean I don’t miss her everyday but I know she is with Jesus.

  6. thank you for this gwen! I honestly couldn’t think of anyone… but after I got done reading this it hit home for a few relatives. (my hubby and folks mainly my hubby). he has a hard time forgiving/grudge over something /letting go of past… very very petty. going on 8 months now not speaking to my folks (all bc of a miscommunication )/he stopped going to church. (he still takes me since I cant drive. but he waits out in the truck. id hate to see what he will do on this sunday since its going to be in the mid 90s in pa). . (people think they did something at church) people ask about him. for awhile it made me sad but its his choice). he used to do the soundboard, but another person does it and it isn’t the same. he avoids our pastors calls/texts. it not only breaks my heart, but it hurts. I miss having the whole family together (my folks hubby and brother together for fathers day/mothers day(my moms bday too week before) In a few weeks my birthday. used to go down and watch steeler games at there house and bring our 2 dogs ) he would talk to my stepdad for like few hours after he would drop me off at my folks for a vendor event with my mom or something. they would be yapping. /or whenever he picks me up they would still be shooting the breeze. its like I don’t even know this person that been with 12 years/married 9 years)..I,, as well as my family/friends and church family prays for him. I just ask anyone who reads this would also pray for SOME kind of breakthrough. whether someone he sees at work/dr office/groc store etc….could use all the prayers in the world.

  7. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, morn with those who morn”..(Romans 12:15)… tends to be the story of my life in the sadness that strikes without warning, and so many times here lately very close to home. Thank you for this blog post today as I am encouraged to write letters to old friends and associates to release them of any bitterness, held on my behalf to years of separation without contact. I’m reminded that this is the way the world is in this last and evil days, where everything is moving swiftly by and people are living like there will be no judgment. Life to my years, has only been a result of my fear of God, the beginning of all wisdom and the source of my love. Thank you

  8. Father,
    Thank you for Macie and her story. May I live life to the fullest in you and for you. When people see me may they say, she is a princess…she is the daughter of the King of life;the King of all. She is loved and she loves well because of it. When I awaken every morning may I say, thank you for another day to spread your love and kindness…may I remember to be more like you, and to remember that my salvation came with a very big price tag. I give you my life, my will, everything that may be holding me back from living my fullest for you… To live unabandoned for you… I love you Father…In Jesus name amen.

  9. God sent your message to me st the exact time I needed it the most. I also lost a sweet girl of 19 years old 2 weeks ago in a car accident. I met her when she was 4, she was a student in my preschool class. Her sweet Mom was diagnosed that year with cancer. Sadly, her mom passed when was 8. During that time we took her under our wing and saw to it with others that she was taken care of. She was much like your Macie! Her smile was a constant! Loved by many so losing her has left so many broken hearts. We are trying to help her poor Dad through this unbelievable grief. Losing his wife and now his daughter is so hard. Too much. I keep reminding myself of God’s plan but this leaves me scratching my head with wonder. I needed to read this and reinforce for faith. Thank you for sharing your loss and pain. I’m so very sorry for your loss of Macie. Sounds like these two girls would become great friends in the Holy Kingdom.
    Debbie ❤️

  10. “You never know when your time is going to expire, so remember: as you add years to your life, it is more important to add life to your years.” That spoke to me this morning, as did this entire devotion. I am approaching my 56th birthday this weekend. In so many ways this birthday suddenly feels like a downhill slide to 60, which to me, has always seemed like the beginning of old age. This was a beautiful reminder to make the most of everyday, because we do not know when God will call us home – young or old. Thank you.

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  11. Prayers for me to continue to give thanks when my plan is not your plan. I’m struggling with doubt for my future, let me know you are listening Lord

  12. Thank you for your great devotions! Today’s words hit heavy on my heart as our family recently lost the husband of my granddaughter (married just five months). Scott spread his love of the Lord with whoever crossed his path. We miss our beloved Scott but know he is with Jesus and spreading his love on the streets of gold with those who have gone before us. I try to live each day to the max, thanking God for ALL His blessings and cherishing my time on earth.

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  13. This story really hit home for me, however, my loss was my oldest son Ryan, forever 30, who passed just 7 months ago. Living life without him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I do it knowing he is with God and God is with me.

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  14. thank u for your post. my 18 year old daughter died 8 months ago. what you wrote resonated with me. i do know she is with Jesus in Paradise. That is the only thought that is giving me comfort💜
    my heart goes out to Macies family!

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      Kristin, I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying God’s comfort, peace, strength and hope for your now.


  15. Thank you this was right on time. My coworker passed away unexpectedly last week and yesterday was the funeral . He was young, so full of life and it has been difficult. I needed that reminder today.

  16. So sorry to hear of your loss of such a bright young woman. Blessings to her parents. I understand the difficult place they are in because we lost our son to cancer April 1, 2015. Your article is beautiful…as a parent, I found it comforting. I encourage anyone who knows a parent who has lost a child to talk about their memories of that child. Parents who have lost children fear that they will be forgotten. It is easy for us to isolate ourselves because it takes too much energy to move forward. Prayers for her parents, friends and loved ones.

  17. Thank you for sharing this story with us. I have been helping facilitate a grief share class the past 6-7 years and it has opened my eyes to appreciate every moment and everyone in our lives. Life is too short to hold a grudge or not forgive or make amends. I have learned that is one day we cannot change 1/10 of a second. Blessings to you and your team for sharing your stories and helping others.

  18. Thank you so much wonderful lesson of God’s words. My Aunt Darlene died today. I am sad but also reminded that in heaven with God and her family which included my dad. Thank you so much. God bless Suzette Mathes

  19. God bless you for that story about Macie. It really touched my heart. Your right life is so precious. It is so important to serve the Lord. We never know when our Father will say time for us is up. But, while we are here we must live life to the fullest, Laugh a lot, Love always. There is no restrictions on those things. I pray that God will comfort the heart of the family and friends of this young woman. I can only say God knows best and He is so perfect He can never make a mistake. God bless you woman of God. Keep encouraging others!
    Georgia B.

  20. Praying for the Lord to comfort the comfortless, and that the holy spirit will take up residence in our marriages, children, and our land. In Jesus name

  21. I feel this article was written for me today. My daughter died two years ago, she was placed on life support this very week and never woke up (she needed a heart transplant). She too loved kids and volunteered at the nursing home for the last 12 years. Such a sweetheart to everyone she met. I wanted her to wake up, be alive again, it still feels like a dream. After she died, I found a small medal in her Bible that was given to her when she accepted Christ as her Savior. About 10 days after she passed, I was taking pictures of the fog one morning and a cross appeared in the sky in one of the photos. I knew then she had made it to Heaven. That sign, and others since, keep me going knowing I will see her and other loved ones again. Thank you for writing this today.

  22. “Focus on what really matters.” I will have to remind myself that every day. It puts my disappointments in perspective. Also my whining and complaining, my hurt and bitterness, too.

  23. Oh How I know that feeling. I lost my son 9 years ago this July. He was 21 years old and struggling with his faith when he was killed while he was walking by an 18 year old who fell asleep at the wheel. Two weeks before my son’s death he told me about his struggle believing in God even though he was raised in church. I told him how much I love him and how God loves him even more.
    I am choosing to believe that God reached hi before he died and he too is singing praises to the Lord.
    Thank you for sharing this, 9 years ago I probably would not have been so grateful.

  24. Oh Gwen, that is such hard stuff. Sitting here with tears filling my eyes thinking about your friend. Yes it is sooooo very hard to live through this stuff. Without Jesus how could we without being damaged forever. I just just loved the quote from Barbara Johnson. I posted it on my Facebook page. Oh if I could only hold on to these words forever and ever, whenever I needed them. I am sorry for your loss, but so thankful Macie is where she is. Our turn will come in its time.

  25. I forgive my birth dad for rejecting me. Although we met and although he was a part of my families life for a couple of years; he pulled away. Its been two years since he spoke to me. He is dying of cancer from what I know. I left him a message saying I forgive him for retreating and disconnecting. I have given this all to Christ to carry.

  26. Thank you for the reminder that we live our lives to the full when we in trust God and in his perfect plan for our lives. Living well is LIVING in HIM.

  27. Thank you for reminding me we have no guarantee of tomorrow on this earth and this is not our home. We need to be about God’s work telling others about the Love of Jesus! In this world, He is all that matters. Lord thank you for your promise of eternal life with you. In Your Precious Name!!✝️

  28. I have a son,Benjamin, that’s far away from God.I don’t know where he is but I know he’s homeless by choice and using drugs.Can you pray for him please.My heart is heavy and hurt for him.

  29. I lost my daughter to breast cancer 3 and a half years ago! All I wanted was for her to be fine! Your message today was spot on! I’m still struggling with the why and what could God possibly have for me going forward! She was only 37 years old with 4 beautiful kids that are the only reason I get up in the morning! I’m trying very hard still to not be angry at him! I will continue to pray for his guidance and strength!

  30. Recently God has been convicting me to reach out to my ex husband and apologize and ask his forgiveness for anything I said or did that hurt him. To thank him for the many wonderful things he did for me in the 33 years we were together. As hard as it was I did and the weight of up forgiveness lifted me up and was replaced by a peace that can only come from God. Thank you for this message. It reaffirms the peace and forgiveness I feel comes from God.

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