I’ll Never Fully Understand

Gwen SmithBlog 2 Comments

My curiosity begs to understand life. My mind longs for logic. When I was a child, I asked a million questions. Why is the sky blue? Are all angels men? Why do bad things happen? Why can’t we send my Brussel sprouts to the starving children in Africa? Who created God?

I wanted answers.

I still do.

Give me a story that grabs my attention at the beginning. Fill it with intrigue. Throw in some high conflict and drama in the middle and then catch the bad guys, tie up the loose ends and call it done. Cue the applause. Bring down the curtain. But don’t even think about leaving me hanging… and certainly don’t ask me to tune in next week for the missing story-pieces.

Now that you’re clued in on a bit of my crazy, you can imagine how I reacted as a youngster when the concept of infinity was introduced in math class. Suit me up for a strait jacket and take me to a rubber room. I thought my math teacher was nuts. You mean I’m supposed to comprehend, work with, and accept something that has no beginning and no ending? Really? That’s not neat. It’s not simple. It makes my brain hurt to even think about it!

Pure frustration, packaged in a sideways figure eight.

A mind-maddening math mystery.


Once I rose above the psychological drama-trauma of this new math concept, I figured out how to solve problems with infinity: even though I couldn’t fully wrap my brain around it. I completed my homework assignments and passed the tests without so much as running my fingernails down the chalkboard in a defiant, adolescent tantrum of revolt. Miracle.

Similarly, there are a few characteristics of God that I find difficult to grasp. As you may have guessed, His eternal nature is one. It’s not easy to understand. As much as my inner four-year-old would like it to, the Bible does not begin with once upon a time, and it does not end with and they all lived happily ever after.

The love saga of God, written in crimson by Christ, is a mystery that began before the dawn of time and goes on forever.

God’s existence defies space, matter and time. It transcends it!

Let what Scripture has to say about the Lord’s eternal nature blow your mind for a minute…

“Behold, God is great, and we know him not; the number of his years is unsearchable” (Job 36:26).

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable” (Isaiah 40:28).

God is great. He’s unsearchable! There’s no one else like Him, not one. Not now. Not ever.

He is El Olam: The Everlasting God, El meaning “mighty one,” Olam meaning world, universe, everlasting time or space. His existence cannot be featured on a timeline because it doesn’t come neatly packaged with a clearly defined beginning and ending. In fact, He is the Beginning and the End – the Alpha and Omega – the First and the Last.

You and I run out of energy. We grow weary. We lose heart. God never does. The Everlasting God does not faint or grow weary and when we call out to Him, He renews our strength and revives our hope.

Yeah. I’m the girl who wants life to make sense, but I’ve been learning that there are some things in life that we just need to accept, rather than understand. Things we need to take at face value… at faith value. For me, this is one of them.

I worship El Olam – who was and is and is to come. Infinite Grace. And I’m grateful that on the day my lungs exhale my final earthly breath, and my eyes lift to see Jesus face to face, all my questions will be not only satisfied, but also forgotten. Not just for a moment, but for all eternity.


Dear Lord, El Olam, Everlasting God, You surely are great! You are the most amazing mystery I will ever know.
Help me to trust You, beyond my understanding. Increase my faith and help me reflect Your infinite grace.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.





Read Isaiah 40.

Our problems are finite… they have a beginning and an end. God’s ability to meet us at each challenge is not limited by space or time. Are there people or challenges with which you feel God is calling you trust Him deeper with? What would trusting God look like today?


With you on the journey!


PS. If you liked today’s post, you’ll LOVE my book, I WANT IT ALL. Get your copy on Amazon here.

Comments 2

  1. Thanks Mrs. Smith! As much as I still don’t fully comprehend it, you still gave me clarity. I love this article. It’s good to have someone along the journey with me. Stay blessed. xo

  2. Thanks Gwen, I’m glad I’m not the only one who does not understand it all! Thank you for always taking the time each week to write these words of encouragement. I always look forward to them!!

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