Releasing Secrets, Restoring Hope

Gwen Smithabortion, Blog, Christian Living, Forgiveness, Grace, Worth 56 Comments


For years my abortion story went untold. It was a secret held tightly by a locked heart – my worst nightmare and darkest memory. Not something I wanted to talk about. Certainly not a story that I thought could be used for good.

Conversationally, it was unapproachable… simply impossible to discuss. On the rare occasion when I allowed my mind to go there, I wished I had a different story: one of life, not death – of joy, not pain. A story of a time when I’d made the best choice, not the worst choice.

But that’s not my story.

And because it’s not, for years I was convinced that my mistakes demanded silence. That because of what I’d done and where I’d been, I was bound to be quiet whenever the sacred topic of life arose. Certainly, I had no right to speak… or so I believed. Shame buttoned my lips.

Then I came to know a deeper grace. A grace found in the testimony of redemption. God’s grace. A grace that testifies of hope, healing and restoration. A grace found in the sharing and releasing of my broken heart-places. Amazing grace that boasts in the truth that all things can work together for good to those who love God and who are bound to His will and purpose (Romans 8:28).

By the grace of Jesus Christ, I now understand that – knowing what I know and having been where I’ve been – I am actually uniquely qualified to speak and encourage others toward life… forgiveness… and hope.

A few years ago, the Lord led me to participate in a post-abortive Bible study and a weekend retreat that allowed my heart to experience healing in places that I didn’t even know were wounded. I was given the opportunity to sift through my grief, to name my child, and to honor her tragic, unlived life in a beautiful memorial service. My story is now one of healing – and I will tell it until I take my last breath and meet my precious baby in heaven.


For those of you who share my broken story, I encourage you toward this sacred healing – toward deeper grace. Death’s grip is suffocating and scary… but it’s not more powerful than the forgiveness and love found in Jesus. Don’t ever allow fear and shame to keep you from the restoration that God longs for you to experience. (TWEET this!) Call your local pregnancy care center and ask about their post-abortive Bible studies and retreats.


For those of you who are pregnant and afraid, I encourage you to choose life. I know the fears you are facing and the doubts that are screaming relentlessly to your heart. Silence them with the hope found in the center of grace. Whatever this looks like for you – whether it’s parenting or adoption – I implore you, from the deepest recesses of my heart, to allow your baby a chance to breathe, love, laugh and live. It will be one of the best choices you will ever make.


For those of you who don’t share my story, but who support the efforts of life-affirming ministries on the front lines of this battle, I encourage you toward generous giving. I applaud you for your participation. Because of you, lives are being saved… and diapers are being changed… and dreams are being dreamed… and God is being honored. Because of your support, sacred hearts are beating. Thank you. A thousand times: thank you.

But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:20b-21) (TWEET this!)

Dear God, with a trembling heart, I approach Your throne of grace today in reverence and humility, fully aware that You are holy and I am not. Speak, Lord. Show me the plans You have for me. Bind me to Your Word and to Your strength so I will have the courage to obey, to forgive and to accept forgiveness. May my brokenness be restored for the beauty of Your glory. Please help me to trust your plan and grace. In Jesus’s name I pray, amen.


REFLECTION and RESPONSE: Okay … take a deep breath with me! Some of you may feel disturbed that a locked door in your heart has been nudged open. I also know that 30-40% of you that are reading this devotion share my experience of abortion. There is healing and forgiveness for you, too. Through the help of my local Pregnancy Care Center, I went through a post-abortive Bible study that helped me to know complete healing. If you have not taken that step toward healing, I encourage you to contact the Abortion Recovery CARE line at 1-866-4-My-Recovery (1-866-469-7326) visit – or call your local Pregnancy Care Center today to sign up for a post-abortive Bible study or retreat.

Is there someone you know who needs to read this message? Forward this email. Post it on your social media sites. Tweet the link. Share the hope of healing.

Welcome to my personal pulse. This type of transparency is always risky. My pulse races each time I expose the broken places of my past and my present – but GOD is always faithful to use it in some beautiful way. Some of you may feel this devotion was written specifically for you. Don’t ignore that. Explore it. Please listen to this song that I co-wrote and recorded called Broken into Beautiful…

Leave a comment below if today’s devotion resonated with your heart… or simply celebrate freedom with me by posting, “My broken is now beautiful in Christ!” Encourage one another in the notes section and we will pray over each of you!

My full testimony is featured the book, Broken into Beautiful, along with Scriptural truths and stories of how God has brought restoration the hearts of many other women who had painful life wounds. God delights to transform lives … including your own. Experience God’s healing and hope in your life today as you read Broken Into Beautiful!


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Comments 56

  1. Thank you Gwen for sharing your story- I carry this secret, and have for 31 years- I was young, misdirected and now anguish over what I did. It seems I cannot ask for forgiveness enough- However- I am also a Mom to two amazing young men– both serving in the US military- I am honored and proud that God chose ME to be their even tho He knows what took place 31 years ago- I could not be more blessed with the young men they have become- I thank God everyday for the gift he gave me in them and pray that He continues to protect them and guide them. The thought of naming my baby 31 years ago never occurred to me since I don’t know if it was a boy or girl- but perhaps I will choose a name that is appropriate for either one-
    Thank you again for sharing your story – and the reminder of God’s continued grace-

  2. I’m sitting here with tears rolling down my face. I had two abortions before I became a Christian. I have tried to forgive myself, but think about it often. When I got out of the office after having the second one, I looked at the clock in the car and it read 11:11. Almost everyday, I look at the clock and see that same time and cringe at the thought of my selfish sin. I know it’s the enemy.

    Right now, I am struggling with guilt. My youngest son has cancer and sometimes I think it’s exactly what I get for destroying two innocent little precious lives. I know God doesn’t punish, but the enemy tells me this over and over. The suffering from my past and what is going on with my son is paralyzing and I feel as if I’m drowning in pain.

    Thank you for your story and your suggestions for the Bible study.

  3. thank you Gwenn for your touching words in this song. I am a counselor for Post Abortive women. I meet with them and help them to heal through Jesus Christ. At the end of our 10 -12 weeks together we come together for a memorial service for our lost babies. Each woman names their unborn child and creates a special way to honor them whether it be through, poem, dance, a painting or sculpture. This memorial service I am including your song. Thank you once again for being transparent enough to share your pain. I praise the Lord each and every day for giving me the strength to share mine also with the many hurting and lost women all around us.
    “This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at res in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things…..1John 3: 19-20
    God Bless You!

  4. I was 24 when I selfishly had an abortion…when I selfishly made choices that led me to make that choice. And I still haven’t forgiven myself. In fact, I’ve pushed that choice so far into the back of my mind that, until today, I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine that I could forgive myself or that God could forgive me. Of course, I know He forgave me long ago. I asked for forgiveness quite awhile ago, though I never really believed I deserved it. As I read this devotion today and listened to your song and cried uncontrollably, the truth cut deep. I can’t push this memory down any longer. I need to face it and forgive myself. I don’t have to stay broken. Thank you Gwen!

  5. Wow Grace, this really hit home. I was 27 years old when I did the unthinkable of aborting a child. My husband at the time went with me and supported me in my decision to do this. I’m now a 60 year old woman and just recently became a grandmother for the first time. What a blessing he is. I have gone to God in prayer regarding this horrible decision I made over 30 years. I have never truly forgiven myself even though I know he has forgiven me. Thank you for you testimony and touching song.

  6. Awesome testimony, message is very inspirational and powerful, may God continue to grow within you Gwen, thank you Abba for Gwen sharing and encouraging us. Beautiful song…

  7. First I would like to say what a beautiful son honoring the power of God’s love, grace, and mercy.
    I was not planning on crying today but because this devotional hit close to home, the tears just started rolling and I realize that the reason I am not moving forward with God like I should is because I am holding on to choices I made when I was younger.
    Even though now I have been blessed with five children, when I was younger I had two abortions and one missed miscarriage after the babies heart stopped beating and I had to go in and have a procedure to remove the baby.
    When you accept God its so hard when you think about the horrible things you have done that is so dishonoring to him and you start to question that maybe God will never use you because of the things that you have previously done. Abortion is not the only thing that I have gotten myself involved in before I gave my life to Christ and I am trying so hard to walk in total forgiveness and acceptance but I don’t think I am doing a very good job at it.
    I thank you for sharing your testimony and being a witness that God’s grace and mercy is there for those who are willing to accept and walk In it. I also thank you for the advice to move towards complete healing.
    I ask for prayer that I will finally be able to let go of my past and walk in the freedom that has been given to me, so that I may be used to be a blessing to others that glorifies our Father.
    May God continue to bless you and your family for your truth that honors him.

    1. “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound: To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God: To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be call ed trees of righteousness…….”. Isaiah 61:1-3

  8. Gwen thank you so much for your transparency. I am a 56 yo woman who has been carrying the guilt and shame of an abortion along with the shame of the promiscuous lifestyle I was leading for the last 40 yrs. I’ve only had a relationship with our Heavenly Father for the last 15 months so I’m still in the infancy stage of my spiritual life but I do know that I am a sinner saved by grace and I am forgiven and am being made whole!! It took my brokenness to make me beautiful!!?

  9. Gwen, thank you for reminding me that Grace has made me beautiful. I aborted a baby at age 17, then went on to have a daughter and son; then after a separation from my 1st husband, I got pregnant by another man, but this time I gave him up for adoption.
    Your story inspires me. With my 1st and 2nd marriages, I got involved in pornography and then into BDSM. Both of these marriages were destroyed. Then I almost allowed another man to lead me down the same path, but God stepped in, asking me why I was settling for 2nd best when He wanted to give me His very best. Now I am married to my 3rd husband, and set free from the bondage of pornography and BDSM. I feel God is leading me to write my story, but I have been afraid of sharing, but your testimony is giving me the courage I need to write my story.

    1. Teresa,
      Thanks for sharing your heart and your life. God is surely at work and He is all about transformations and restoration. I pray blessings on you as you seek His leading regarding your testimony and as you continue to follow hard after Jesus. Live the hope you now know, friend!

      In Christ,

  10. That is truly a beautiful song. Thank you for sharing your heart. I had an abortion in my 30’s and will always regret it. Christ has forgiven and restored me, but I find myself still asking forgiveness…I have issues forgiving myself of this horrible act. Bless you for encouraging all of us!

  11. Thank you Gwen for your courageous encouragement! I lost 2 babies in the early 80’s, in college, one through a tubal pregnancy that I had sought to abort because I was wrongly diagnosed has having a miscarriage. The doctor told me it would be best to abort the baby because I would suffer longer. So, when I went to see an abortionist he began the process, but learned that my pregnancy was wrongly diagnosed. I almost bled to death before they were able to do emergency surgery and remove my right Fallopian tube and ovary. I did not think I could have any children after that, so I was promiscuous and became pregnant again. A family member told me that no one in my family would support me as an unwed mother, so she convinced me to get an abortion. I was devastated after it was finished. But God is merciful and kind and blessed me with 2 beautiful daughters’ who are now 28/30 and 7 beautiful grandchildren. My husband left me when I was pregnant with our 2nd daughter, but God turned it around and I worked for Him in ministry. I’m grateful that you provided info. for post abortion survivors. I realize now that I have not really dealt with this issue openly. And I would love to name my babies and have a ceremony for them. I never knew my earthly father, but I know that my heavenly Daddy has protected us, and has never left us, even though we may feel that we are left alone to figure things out for ourselves, He never leaves or forsakes us! God is good all the time; all the time God is Good! Praise God! And thank you Jesus for saving us!

  12. Beautiful song! I’ve never experienced what you did. I did however try to end my life. I’m so thankful that God wasn’t and isn’t finished with me yet! Even though my heart is heavy for my daughter and unborn granddaughter I know that God will see us through and keep His hand of protection on both of them. Thank you for sharing your story and for the beautiful song.

  13. Thanks Gwen. You have opened a door that I didn’t want to open. Please pray that God makes it clear of want He now wants me to do with this. The fear is crippling.

  14. This is a beautiful story of grace, redemption, restoration, and VICTORY in Jesus 🙂 I applaud you for having the courage to speak your heart and in doing so to encourage all of the other beautiful women that have been so oppressed by this and have suffered under that yoke… My heart aches that because of a doctor’s decision, I will never have the joy of bearing a child… yet I praise God for the children He has given me through marriage and adoption.
    You ARE a strong and Beautiful woman and you are an example for ALL of us who seek to be a “handmaiden to the Lord and risen King”
    God Bless YOU and ALL the Girlfriends in God family!

  15. Love this devotion and song!! I have never experienced abortion personally, but had a niece that was pregnant at 15 and she took some pills from the abortion doctor and they did not work!!! As soon as she took them she knew it was a mistake and now we have a beautiful, smart, funny 11 year old girl that make our lives complete! Thank you for the message of healing – this applies to my life in another area and I needed to hear this today!!

  16. Gwen, what a beautiful song and a beautiful truth. Sadly I too share your experience in choosing abortion over life. I was 21 and now am 53. I believe I am forgiven and restored through Christ. I have shared my testimony with many women and taught bible classes at a crisis pregnancy center for a few years though I am not at this time. My struggle has been that my husband forbids me to tell our sons, now 22 and 24. This breaks my heart because I feel they should know. I will continue to put it in the Lord’s hands. Thank you for telling your story and providing a safe place to share with others so they can know the truth and be forgive and redeemed. God bless you and your ministry.

  17. ” My broken is now beautiful in Christ!” Thank you, Gwen your story. God Bless you and your family. “I am encouraged!”

  18. Gwen May God Forever Bless you for Sharing and being Transparent. You will never know how many women you help. And although I cannot say that I have experienced this, so many of the other stories you have written have Encouraged my heart. and what can I say about this song. “BEAUTIFUL WORDS”. Be Blessed

  19. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to speak to us in the way only He can. May His blessings abound in your life. Your Ministry is a blessing in mine. Your prayers for my family and me are always welcomed. Your song is so beautiful❤️

  20. My story started 46 years ago, at that time a parent had to sign to get birth control and abortion was illegal. You had to go at night and it was all very scary. I have lived with the guilt and shame for all this time, thinking every December of what could have been. I have often thought there was a way to share my story with others, but the shame has kept me from acting upon it. I wish everyone considering abortion would get counseling. Thank you for sharing your story.

  21. Beautiful song, although today’s post had no bearing on me it has been in my life thru one of my daughter’s. I’m so glad i have the grace of a loving,forgiving god in my life. Without him i would have no peace and would be trudging thru life like i was. Unhappy,feeling worthless, and unloved. All i can say is Praise God for people like you. Thank you for your word every day i enjoy reading it.

  22. Gwen, can u please help me? I am so scared that I cant be forgiven bc of the state of mind I committed the sin of abortion in. I wasnt sure I could be forgiven and was asking everyone there that day if I could and of course they told me yes. They told me it was no different than birth control. Even though I doubted I went ahead with it. I know now what repentance is and that it s not going ahead and doing something and adking for Forgiveness later. So does Jesus forgive when we truly repent and ask, BEFORE we accept/believe in the forgivness?

    1. Mel, Thanks so much for writing and for sharing your story and your struggles. Yes. God surely can and does forgive any sin that is confessed before Him. The Bible speaks clearly to this. It is essential for you to BELIEVE His Word as truth in order for you to experience the freedom and peace you are longing for. I can’t explain it away in a blog response, but I can point you in the direction of healing by encouraging you to read my book “Broken into Beautiful.” The LORD led me to write it so that others like you can be encouraged toward healing in Christ. Trust me… I’m not trying to sell another book… my motivation is to come along side of you with my story and the Word of God so that your wounded heart can know healing. Here’s a link to the first chapter for FREE:

  23. Oh my goodness. This devotion couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! I chose to abort my child when I was 22 yrs old, and now I am 33. At the time, I wasnt sure that God could forgive me but I went ahead with the decision bc I was so scared. Back then, I didnt really know the Lord, although I had been baptized as a child. I sought the Lord and counseling afterwards and redidcated my life. Although I did, I still had doubt that God wouldnforgive me bc of not jist the horrific sin I had committed, but the state of mond I did it in, taking a risk of hell just to satisfy mybown selfish desires. Well now, the devil has brought this back up in my life and I keep thinking that I hardened my heart tonthe point that I can’t accept forgivness. I didnt sleep at all last night worrying that I cant be saved if I keeo doubting Jesus’ forgivness. I desire God’s salvation and want to live for Him with everything in my soul, but Im so scared that I cannot have his forgivness bc I cannot accept or believe it. I have begged God to save me and forgive me so many times and right before reading this, read Psalm 119 and told God I would serve wherever He wanted me to, just to please save me and give me assurance. I too have kept this a secret mostly bc of guilt and shame but have always wondered if this is where God wants me to serve. Right now though, my mind is telling me that I deserve this fear and that I will never be saved bc I have hardened my own heart to not accept forgiveness. I have been so sick and depressed, and crying out to God over this. Do I have to always believe he forgives me, in order to be forgiven?

  24. Dear Gwen~I too thank you for this devotional, it almost stopped my breathing when I read the first line. I had an abortion 28 years ago and I had never told my husband of 27 years. Since reading your devotion, I knew God was wanting me to get help. I shared my story with my husband and he was so sweet and supportive. I am going this week-end to a post abortive retreat. I have been able to get closer in my relationship with God by trusting in HIm. I enjoy my GIG!

    1. Wow. Judy, I am so blessed by the way the LORD speaks so personally through the stories of others. Just as my story spurred you on… so yours encouraged me! God is so good. Have an incredible weekend! Please email me after the retreat and let me know about your experience.


  25. Wow!! What an awesome testimony and such a beautiful and encouraging song. That is what God is doing with me, turning all of my brokenness into a beautiful work of art crafted by the Master!!!

  26. Gwen, Thank you for your testimony! I had read of your abortion in an earlier devotion, and it was your words that gave me the strength to seek out a post abortion workshop. I am planning to attend in March! I pray for restoration and that I will be able to forgive myself. I know my son is in Heaven with Jesus and I pray to Him that He would tell my child that his mommy loves him and is so sorry she made that horrible choice. I ask Jesus to tell Cohen that his mommy cannot wait to meet him in heaven, and I pray that he will come out to meet me when I arrive. I thank God that He, the best protector, the best Father, loves my son and holds him preciously in His great and mighty arms. My son would be almost two years old today and there are still only few weeks that pass without him coming to my heart and mind.
    Gwen thank you for your transparency and deeply honest testimony. God has used you to bring a new hope to this broken heart!
    Love in Christ,

  27. Thank you for sharing your story and a most beautiful song., in my life i suffered many miscarriages and could not carry a child., but i believe God has another plan for me., and i know someday i too will meet my unborn children in heaven.

  28. Wow. The mercy of His love endures !! I have a different battle that I’m facing but Gods grace is enough for our biggest obstacles. Thanks for opening your heart . Thanks for your devotion to our Father. “Daughter your faith has healed you , Go and suffer no more” Mark 5:34

  29. I aborted a baby myself many years ago. I was a Christian and a pastor’s wife at the time and do not know what ever drove me to do such a thing. I know God has forgiven me but I still have such a deep hurt in my heart whenever I hear the word abortion. I am a strong pro life advocate but sometimes feel like a hypocrite when I think of what I did. I have never told anyone though, and feel like I have not forgiven myself, totally. I am still a pastor’s wife and love The Lord with all my heart and enjoy ministering alongside my husband and have been very blessed. I know Satan is the one who brings up these feelings of shame to undermine the complete forgiveness that Jesus gives by dying on the cross for my sins. I’ve read that abortion is something that one never gets over though and with a mother’s heart I think it is something that is difficult to forget.

  30. I also chose death for my 2 unborn babies and I have been burrying the hurt eversince it happened. I ask God for His forgiveness and believe He has granted it to me. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  31. I do so much appreciate the depth of your sharing with us today- I too made this choice when I was just 18 years old (36 years ago). I felt I couldn’t tell my mom, I knew it would hurt her to even know that I had allowed myself to be in a position for this to happen. It was a choice that my boyfriend and I made and I was quite naïve and didn’t fully understand the procedure. I think at that time maybe I just didn’t want to know. It’s something that I keep locked inside of me and keep it hidden away. I did share with my mom when I was in my mid- 30’s and she felt such sadness that I couldn’t come to her and share my situation. I have 3 wonderful grown children. I long for the day to be able see the child that I failed to allow to live.

  32. I can relate the pain. I also did the unspoken then one day in 2003 God looked deep into my heart to start healing. At first I fought with God in accepting His forgiveness until that one day He set free from guilt to freedom. He turned my ashes into beauty. Praise Him for his goodness and powerful LOVE.

    1. I am having a hard time accepting forgiveness. I have confessed it so many times. What worries me is the state of mind I did it in. I wasnt sure I could be forgiven but did it anyway. . . Is forgivness ours before we accept it and how were you able to believe youbwere forgiven? Im scared that if Indont believe Im forgiven then Im not forgiven.

  33. 10 years ago, I did not give a chance for my baby to live. i was too scared that time. it was a result of a relationship (that is a mistake too because he is married). I already asked God for forgiveness and i know that He had forgiven me but i think i just can’t forgive myself. It haunts me every now and then. Thanks for sharing this testimony and song..

  34. 10 years ago, I did give a chance for my baby to live. i was too scared that time. it was a result of a relationship (that is a mistake too because he is married). I already asked God for forgiveness and i know that He had forgiven me but i think i just can’t forgive myself. It haunts me every now and then. Thanks for sharing this testimony and song..

  35. .You really hit a nerve with me when I started reading your story…I was a 17 yr old girl and when we told his Mom that I was pregnant, she immediately stated that I would be getting an abortion. My poor Dad found a doctor to perform it. That was 40 years ago, and I think about the child and wonder what he would have looked like. I know I have received forgiveness for killing my baby, and gave him a name and know that one day I will see him along with the other baby boy I lost through a miscarriage. When I finally got married at 33, we tried to have a baby for two years and I felt like God was punishing me for what I had done to my first baby. Now, I have two healthy sons that God has given to me in spite of my mistake. Thank You, Father.

  36. My struggle has been in a different area but I can relate to your story all the same. God is using my broken into his beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  37. Dearest Shelly… Beloved sister in the Lord . I have been where you are and know now that God is waiting and able to heal completely. I buried my abortion for years and when l became saved l asked for forgiveness and then thought l can move forward, but l still felt burdened. l held on to that guilt and struggled with so many other things because of it. God answered my prayers and cries and has brought me to a Post Abortion Healing Group, in a way only He can, and l have been released. Through the acknowledgement of my darling boy, I got to know him. I was able to ‘say hello’ and then ‘say goodbye’ knowing he is safe in heaven and is waiting for me. This healing is helping me to share my story with my family and show the respect for my little boy that he deserves in an upcoming memorial service. This will give you the peace that surpasses all understanding AND you WILL forgive yourself, through the grace of God. I encourage you to find a Pregnancy Support Centre near you and allow God to do the work in you. You are loved

  38. My daughter had an abortion many years ago and I went through it with her. It still pains my heart that I was a part of this, and although I know that our Father has forgiven me I know that my child has not. Our relationship is strained and it makes me sad because I love her so much. As she celebrates her birthday tomorrow I ask God to bless her and to bring her closer to Him. Thank you for this beautiful song. God Bless!

  39. I too chose death over life for my first child. A life and death circumstance chose it for my third child. I went to a retreat sponsored by a local Crisis Pregnancy Center. I am praying about going through a Bible Study. Thank you for sharing and for confirming God’s forgiveness and His desire for me to minister to other’s and encourage them “toward life…forgiveness…and hope.


  40. This has caused me sadness but I’m glad that the God I serve is full of mercy and not only second but many chances. I had several abortions , recommended them to others and forced my young sister to have one( for her own sake)!!! So many years ago after I became born again I confessed and asked God and my sister for forgiveness but today after reading your article I felt condemnation coming on again and I re read 1 John 1:9. Thank you so much. May God continue to use you .

  41. I am a believer. I have asked God for forgiveness, but I am convinced that something is “blocking” me from receiving all God has for me now. I read yesterday’s devotion about the speck in my own eye and prayed God would reveal to me what it is I am over looking. Then I read today’s devotion. It has been more than 20 years. I still can’t talk about it. I did go to a group and I have asked for forgiveness. But still, no one else knows. Is this what is blocking me? What more do I need to do? How do I find “the peace that passes all understanding”? How do I forgive me?

    1. Dearest Shelly… Beloved sister in the Lord . I have been where you are and know now that God is waiting and able to heal completely. I buried my abortion for years and when l became saved l asked for forgiveness and then thought l can move forward, but l still felt burdened. l held on to that guilt and struggled with so many other things because of it. God answered my prayers and cries and has brought me to a Post Abortion Healing Group, in a way only He can, and l have been released. Through the acknowledgement of my darling boy, I got to know him. I was able to ‘say hello’ and then ‘say goodbye’ knowing he is safe in heaven and is waiting for me. This healing is helping me to share my story with my family and show the respect for my little boy that he deserves in an upcoming memorial service. This will give you the peace that surpasses all understanding AND you WILL forgive yourself, through the grace of God. I encourage you to find a Pregnancy Support Centre near you and allow God to do the work in you. You are loved!

  42. Thank you for sharing. I too made the wrong choice and chose to end the life of my unborn child. This decision helped to take me into a downward spiral of self-hatred and self destructive behavior. I spent the next 25 years trapped in drug addiction and unhealthy relationships. By the grace of God and His mercy and restoring power, He has turned my life around and turned my Brokenness into Beautiful!.

    Thank you.

  43. Thank you for this song & opening your life to me. I want to name my baby. I never thought about meeting my child in heaven. It made me happy! I know God forgives me but I struggle sometimes to forgive myself. this has helped me so much. Thank you.

    1. I thank God for working through you to get to my heart,which has hurt for over 30 years for my (rationalized) choice to end the life of 2 little people growing inside of me. Even though I spent the last 30 years saving and making life better for sick and premature neonates, I too had a deep hidden hurt inside, not visible to others. I was born again,with the lead of my 2 girls and know I was forgiven, but a hurt remains deep within..Thank-you for your share and your words put to music….Vanessa

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